Poking my head out of the dark

These past few weeks have been sucky to say the least. A sudden anxiety and depression spell hit me rather spectacularly, but I feel like I’m poking my head out at the end of the dark tunnel now.

In some ways this was possibly my worst little pocket of time in terms of my mental health since maybe 2017. *sigh* I was doing so well.

But, now I’m just excited for the end of 2018 and the birth of 2019. This year was alright, I’ve had worse, but the school year itself has been a bit of a drag this year. After the Christmas holidays the school year goes so much faster. With all the holidays and days off, it’s glorious. Plus 2019 is when I’ll be finally going off to university! Something I truly cannot wait for 😀

I also have a BUNCH of assignments due in just before we break up for Christmas so I’ll have those out of the way too, just in time for the holidays. That’s currently where all my time and energy is going at the moment. I’ve finished one (out of 4 ¬.¬) though so hurrah!! As cliche as it may be, the idea of a fresh start is always exhilarating to me. Who knows where I’ll be a year from now? This is why I love having a blog and a journal, because using these two thing I’ll have a pretty good picture of where I was. 

I have some faith in 2019, I feel like it’s going to be a good year.

Until next time ❤

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Nottingham Trent University open day

Hello all! I’m back again with another open day post, this is probably my last one though so fear not!

On Saturday 1st December, I got into my dad’s car with my whole family and we drove down to the University. It was about an hours drive, no traffic either so that was a win. 

I got there and checked in, there was half an hour before the stuff I wanted to go to was gonna start so I wandered around the stands and talked to students about international opportunities and some basic things about my course. 

We then went off to go find where our talk was going to be taking place, thankfully there was a bunch of student helpers and signs posted around so it was easy enough to find. The talk itself was mostly things I had read up on, but there was some stuff that caught my attention. First being just how much actual experience the lecturers had in this field. The person who gave us the talk had 30+ years in the police force and he knew a lot about drugs and drug trafficking. Another lecturer was forensic toxicologist. Another lecturer specialises in analysing the contents of stomachs of dead people and she still does that as well as presenting evidence in courts. And that’s just the lecturers.

There’s an opportunity to study the second year abroad in Canada, which definitely sounds like something I’d wanna try. The placement opportunities also seem immense, especially as a lot of the lecturers have contacts in the field. The placement opportunities is a key aspect for me, especially as many of the students I spoke to had managed to bag themselves a job at those places!

We had a tour around the facilities and it was so cool, the equipment in the lab is up to industry standard so if I get a placement in my third year (I hope I do!) then I won’t be clueless about all the equipment!

Truthfully I adore this university, and I’m waiting on them to give me an offer. They’re the only uni that I’m waiting on now, and I want to put them as my firm choice! The only downside so far is that it’s quite far away and I’m going to be living at home, but it’s an hours drive away, I feel like the uni is worth the drive. 

Anyone else going through the uni application process?


Until next time ❤ 

Teaching myself french| Le premier pas

So for a while I’ve wanted learn a new language. I currently speak two languages, Tamil (being my mother tongue) and English (seeing as I was born and raised in England.) But I want more, I mastered these two languages just because I was brought up with both and now I want to learn another language because I think it’s a really useful thing to do. Not to mention it could be pretty fun. Also like, bragging rights.

Why french?

Being honest I already have a history with the language, I studied it from year 7 to year 11 (ages 11-16) and I have a GCSE in it. So I’m good with the basics, even three years later! I figured it would be the easiest language to try and teach myself for the first time.

Plus I do like the idea of France, the Hollywood portrayal is quite enticing. But also while my visits to France haven’t been as touristy as I would like, it’s shown me enough that I know that I would like to go back to Paris when I’m older and also venture out into different parts of France too. 

I would also like to possibly move to Canada when I’m older and knowing both of the main languages there would be helpful and give me more freedom to go wherever I wished. 

Plus I guess it would just be cool to know three languages, just from looking at me you’d automatically assume that I probably know two languages (yknow, being a brown person in the UK and all) so I’d like surpass people’s expectations.

How?

Well, I was watching Evan Edinger’s videos on his move to Germany and how he learned to be almost fluent in German before he moved. He really recommended Duolingo, which I did use before and then sorta forgot about and then deleted because seeing the app made me feel guilty… He also recommended immersing yourself in media if you couldn’t immerse yourself in the country. So I’ve found a french show on Netflix that I’ll be watching with french subtitles. I also discovered that you can watch English shows in french so I’ll be doing that too!!

I’m also looking into french youtubers so if anyone has any recommendations please leave them in the comments! 


 I think that’s all I’ve got for this post! I will hopefully keep you all updated which would mean that I was sticking to my duolingo-ing!

Until next time ❤

No more haul videos and buying second hand| A talk about fast fashion

Fast fashion, what is it?

Nowadays the term fast fashion is being used more and more, with many people becoming more aware of it all and it’s effects. 

Fast fashion focuses on speed and low costs in order to deliver frequent new collections inspired by catwalk looks or celebrity styles. (Source

While it may sound all fine and dandy, have you ever stopped to consider the disastrous consequences on the environment? Water pollution, textile waste and use of toxic chemicals to name a few. To be mass producing that much clothing and the amount of clothing that would be thrown away afterwards.

Not to mention the below acceptable working conditions of those making the clothes. Sure companies acted like they were doing something about it when the tragedy came to light that a factory had collapsed and workers had died. But since then people have forgotten, and those companies still make millions. “Low costs” makes you wonder which ethical corner are being cut, I doubt the people who made your clothes are being paid anywhere near a liveable wage. 

So what am I doing to do my bit? 

Well, to help myself a little I’ve stopped watching haul videos and mostly unsubscribed from people who are always posting haul videos. I don’t enjoy watching them as much now, seems like a bit of a waste tbh. 

And to actually help the cause? I’ve started to buy clothes second hand, being honest I started doing this a while ago when I was volunteering at a local charity shop a few months ago. I have a few skirts (all £3 or under!) that I adore and a khaki green denim jacket (£3!!) that I got ages ago that I love. I recently got back into depop as well and I just bought a (faux) leather jacket that I am so in love with! I’ve been searching across all kinds of sites and shops for a leather jacket that I’d like for absolute months! It was a fraction of the price of a new one too, £15. Second hand clothes are so much cheaper and are often in really good condition so I don’t think people should be turning up their noses at the idea of it. Plus by getting clothes second hand, you’re saving those clothes from sent to land fills. 

Another thing I’m doing is trying to buy from more independent shops and small businesses, like buying from people off depop who make handmade jewellery. It is more expensive (sometimes) but more often than not the items you’re buying are of better quality and you’ll be making someone out there really happy that they’ve made another sale rather than just adding to a multi-million dollar company that truly doesn’t care about you past what’s in your wallet. 

So yeah, I’d recommend giving your local charity shop a little peruse you never know what you’ll find! 

Until next time ❤ 

Opening up about my insecurities

This is a very recent thing for me and this is the first time I’m opening up about it so publicly, so apologies in advance if this post is a bit….everywhere.

So for the past couple of months I’ve been feeling weird about myself. I wouldn’t say I’m a mean person by any means, but I’m not all that nice either. I’m very straight to the point, telling you what you need to hear not what you wanna hear sorta thing. Which people have thanked me for because not many people would talk to them like that, ask them the difficult questions.

People like to make excuses for the way they behave, even if they don’t like the way they’re acting, and I don’t let them make those excuses with me. Maybe that rubs people the wrong way, who knows.

But I’ve lost so many groups of friends within the almost three years I’ve been at sixth form. So many. And it’s difficult to not wonder if there was something wrong with me. I was the common denominator in every one of these failing friendships after all.

I’m not exactly tolerant, if I don’t like you then see ya later because it’s unlikely that I’ll stick around. This quality has helped me because I’ve cut off many toxic people, hence me losing all my damn so called friends. But it still sucks.

Despite me feeling like my personality is quite… rough? I can’t think of another way I’d want to be, even to fake being. There is no other way that I think it’s possible for me to act. I like you or I don’t, and if I don’t then leave me alone because I don’t have the energy to deal with people I don’t like, not anymore.

But that leaves me with a miniscule circle of friends, perhaps three people I would consider my close friends aside from my beloved boyfriend who has been with me through all of my friend breakups.

I keep hoping I find my tribe at uni but I’m just afraid I’ll lose them all again. Over and over again I’ve gotten close to people and then I’ve lost them, or they’ve stabbed me in the back. I suppose you can’t blame me for feeling so anxious.

I don’t even struggle to make friends, I can start up a conversation no problem. It’s just keeping friends that I seem to struggle with, there’s seemingly no one I can click with and remain that way with other than my bf. While I’m grateful for him and I value our relationship, I just wish I could find my own people too.

Saying all of this, I think I am a good friend to those I’m close with. Or was close with at least, I try my best to give good advice where I can. But it’s been a long while since I’ve had a best friend so there’s that. People come to me with their problems, but I haven’t found many who I feel comfortable sharing mine with.

It sucks because I was feeling so good about myself despite my mental health struggles and then suddenly my whole damn personality is making me feel like a freak.


Well, this one was a toughie to write :/

Until next time, maybe with a less painful post…

A visit to De Montfort University

On Saturday (10/11/18) I went down to Leicester for the DMU open day. Truthfully, I liked the sound of this uni and I considered it in my top three but I knew I had to get out and actually go see it. Because I can only choose two out of my five unis and my firm choices.

Of course this decision also rides on what offers I get but I still wanted a rough idea of where I would like to go beforehand.

I’ll be honest, I wasn’t expecting to love it as much as I did! Everything uni related is a five minute walk from anything else! Pretty convenient I’d say. I took a peek in the labs too and I sat down with a current student and asked her all about the course I wanted to do. Which is forensic science by the way!

One of the things I really love about this uni is their DMU Global scheme, I know other unis have similar things and I do have such unis in my top choices. Essentially they take you on semi funded trips abroad, some are relevant to your course and others are volunteering opportunities. All of which, sound amazing to me!

The only snag was that the timetables change on a weekly basis, which is a bit of a pain for someone who is planning to commute. But it’s not too far of a drive so I think I should be able to manage!

This whole uni malarky is both exhilarating and stressful at the same time, let’s just hope it’s all worth it in the end!

Until next time 💜

My journal supplies (Kinda newbie edition)

So I had an actual diary that I properly wrote in from the ages of 13-17, as a matter of fact the first three years of my relationship is safely recorded in that diary which I am so grateful for because I love looking back at it with my boyfriend.

For me there was a clear distinction between diary and journal, a diary was for recording things that happened in my life and a journal was more creative, where I’d write poems and lists. Then I fully filled my diary in the last few days of 2017 and decided to have my journal become a diary and a journal all in one. I didn’t think I needed to get myself another notebook just to use as a diary, plus I wasn’t using my journal as much as I wanted to be so I figured this was a good way to get some use out of it. It was going well but I still wasn’t using it the way I wanted to so I started looking to bullet journaling except not really. As much as I like the idea, bujo isn’t my kinda thing and I feel like it would frustrate me more than anything, but I did like the doodling and stationary that came with it. So I decided to branch out and buy stationary for my journal, which I can assure you is SO much more fun than buying stationary for school!

I have some pages up on my Instagram, just my monthly covers for now because I haven’t branched off into other types of pages just yet but soon!

Anyway so the whole point of this post is to show you what I’ve got at the mo that I use for journalling, as a sorta newbie!

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First up we have brush pens, I’m no master (fake) calligrapher but I am having fun experimenting with these! Really the only word I can write semi nicely is “hello” but it’s definitely a start! (The Works,£4)

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Next up we have good old fine liners, I was tempted to buy the Staedtler ones but honestly these were so much cheaper and I love how they write so win win! (Wilko, £3)

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Now these felt tips I bought before I got the fine-liners because I didn’t want to spend a bunch of money on the staedtler fine-liners (while I wasn’t aware of the wilko ones!) so I currently have them in my pencil case for school to use to prettify my notes. But I still pull them out to use in my journal from time to time. (B&M, £?)

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Right so this beauty is basically a slightly smaller than A3 book that’s filled with scrapbook paper. I decided to get this design because I was feeling the vibe but I had to really dig to get to it, there were a bunch of different designs. There were a couple of different flowery ones and all that jazz. (B&M, £2.99)

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Washi tape!! I was so excited about getting washi tape idek why, but I was not disappointed! I searched on amazon but a lot of them weren’t worth the price and loads had bad reviews. Most of the “washi tapes” were just regular stick tape with patterns on. So you couldn’t write on them or anything. But this washi tape is actually really nice and I’ll leave a link to these exact ones, this shop had multiple designs though so if you don’t like these then it’s fine.. (Non spon btw!!) (Amazon, £6.59)

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And of course, my journal. (WhSmith, £6?) Just a regular lined notebook really, my one requirement is that it couldn’t be a spiral bound notebook (¬.¬) I also wanted to talk about the stickers on it, I got them from Society 6, they’re more pricey over there but I like that the money actually goes to the artists and not some big corporation that has more money than it needs (lookin’ at you amazon)


 

Do you have a journal and if so, what kinda supplies do you have?

Until next time ❤